we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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