I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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