Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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