fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This is the high leading the old right now
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
