Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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