You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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