The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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