he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
