You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
