Heybabeimwearingurpanties
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
