I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
