Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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