Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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