I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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