you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
