oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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