your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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