if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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