I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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