Whod you bang
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
