I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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