I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize