how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
