I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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