He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
