he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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