new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Ladies don't puke and tell
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
