shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
