she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
