the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize