why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
