all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
