and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We have started to decorate penises.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
