There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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