He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i think i just lost a toe
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
