True but thats because hes a fetus.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
