Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
