dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
