rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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