Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
