he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
