I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
