I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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