Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
