shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
