Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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