To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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