Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
