I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
