Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
