oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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