She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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