New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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