Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize