the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
