Whod you bang
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
