I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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