Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
