mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
