he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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